12/2025

Since it’s December, I suggested that my family go out to eat—we hadn’t done that all year. So on Sunday, December 7th, we went to Capt’ Loui (Crab in Duluth). Afterward, we bought a Christmas tree at Home Depot.

Before bed, my dad found the ornament box and lights, and Nicole decorated the cat’s tree. (She had bought everything for it—around $30—back when she was living in Athens while finishing her Bachelor’s in Psychology.)

The next morning, I finished making a wreath using free clippings from Fraser fir tree trimmings, and I taped the icicle lights on the wall before the cat room and before the vertical soffit transitions into a vaulted ceiling in the living room.

Later, I went to Hobby Lobby to pick up a few supplies so Nicole and I could sit down together to make ornaments or tie bows for the tree and wreath.

I saw in one aisle they were selling a blob of little plush gingerbread men but when I took a closer look it was actually supposed to be garlands of little gingerbread men like the picture above but it was so knotted up that seven separate garlands became one and some were broken off on the aisle tin shelf and so I took the entire mass from the item hook. Since no cashier was going to bother untangling them, I bought the entire mass—43 gingerbread men—for around $30 instead of the full price of $75 (each garland was priced at $14.99).

Once home, I cut the gingerbread men off the original ribbon and added gold string to enough of them for the Christmas tree. I hung four on the center of each of our bedroom doors, packed ten in a small box for Nicole to take back to her apartment during medical school, and gave two to her friend Hyeoon. Now, only three gingerbread men remain.

December 15th, 2025

Haru kept picking one off the tree for himself so I gave him one without a string and sewed the buttons deeper in the fabric by placing hot glue on the undersides of the buttons so they lay completely flat on the felt.

December 15th, 2025

I like the idea of a blank christmas tree and then every year making ornaments so the box is filled with whatever ornaments we made that year whatever they end up being. So this year its like 20+ gingerbread so that’s December 2025. 

If things proceed. My family won’t ask you to come to family events because we don’t have any- we don’t have family outside of the four of us that we communicate with, we don’t celebrate any holidays except Christmas, and we don’t have the money to travel big anymore other than my dad going to South Korea for business. And I don’t think I should be involved with any of your family gatherings or members. I think it’s better to be modest about social band-width especially because I don’t have the job I truly want yet and won’t know if things can become stable between us until what seems like probably like five or six years. I prefer letter writing and reading over the thought of family gatherings. 

My mom could potentially be someone who can come over and stay with us for a short period of time because it is genuinely a good choice if things get tough. You may assume it would be an interruption to her life here in Suwanee to call her up and have her stay with us when needed, but over the last three or so years, she has only worked as a caregiver who runs errands and cooks meals for older adults who aren’t able to do so themselves. She is called in when needed, there is no set schedule, and she never works more than 4 days a week because it will hurt her hands. I would love to have her with me. I honestly didn’t think twice about suggesting that in this letter- it was one of the first things I considered when thinking about how chore work might fluctuate or become an issue. But there’s particular ways in which I thought I could explain that I’m just not sure what’s best. It’s not like there always needs to be a dire reason to have someone to do chore work; it just would be nice to have more time to yourself. I won’t underestimate your understanding of the benefits of genuine downtime if you don’t for me. I will probably still oil paint and crochet and do small things at home occasionally and force the time for those activities to allow my mind to rest and reset. Though for the past year I haven’t really done any of those kinds of things including running really. That sort of happened once I packed everything away. It helps me to renew myself when living in the same house and space for so long. Simply put certain things out of sight so they are out of mind. I brought out some stuff to make a wreath, and a bird house this December but that’s it and even doing that sort of reminded me of that portion of my personality/identity which I guess was nice but it made me feel sad I don’t know why. I write more about the continuity/preservation of personality/identity later on.

When I sat and contemplated what family meant to me, what a relationship would be like for me, I thought that I couldn’t do what I think I could be passionate about, and for a period of time I grew apathetic and rejected my family and isolated myself. I don’t want to question your ability to become a surgeon, but that also means I can’t live passively knowing this. But I wouldn’t choose surgical tech if there is no proximity to you- It would be too distant of an idea and it pretty much guaruntees a low salary. So yes, I came across Surgical technology only because of you, but its such an exciting thought to me, to think I could learn about surgery and support it in a real way just for the sake of knowledge and experience. Maybe more holistically than the job itself- that I could learn how to be a partner to someone who wants to be a surgeon too.

And even when I look at someone who’s trying to become a surgeon and nothing makes sense between us for a long time, I could at least share some knowledge as a surgical technologist. The best thing I can do for myself and for the both of us would be to focus on my own work because that’s what lessens the difference between- not the way that I can word how frustrated or tired I feel right now, or how I feel about this person in the moment, but being prepared to go to work as a surgical tech. There’s an intimate sense of purpose in that, in that even if things are not easy ever, I’m doing what I know I’d find acceptable to be constantly exhausted and overwhelmed over. Like how every parent who goes out hunting knows they have to work anxiously to bring something of value- something that will nourish both of them (continuing species/promote growth)- back to the den for their young. Because a home is nothing without shared purpose. That’s as deep as I understand it. I know I don’t know enough or anything really. I would need to do more heartfelt research. Because most of what I learn about who I need to become- will be from professors, surgeons, surgical techs, etc. -will be from professionals and knowledge outside of me or you. I would want to pay attention to what’s going on with him during the evolution not to interject or meddle or be overbearing with anything or constantly yap at him but to just perceive that evolution with more depth than I would working as something/for someone else. Because of the prefrontal cortex, 25 seems to be the age where you can start to think outside of what you’ve been training for alongside everyone else. But, you know, if I ask myself, what do I want to do during that time to challenge myself, this is something that I’m willing to at least try to compete in. And whether it teaches me more about science and the human body or the depth of my own humanity up until that point, I’m interested in the possibility of struggling and feeling the intensity of that development for my early 20s– an opportunity for neural development. That’s what I’m most looking forward to. I’ve learned a lot in this writing process and I don’t regret it. And every job in health care is exhausting and should be but I would choose surgical technology for what I want to be constantly exhausted about for that particular reason. From my research, from looking at positions that could gradually cure the curiosity I have about surgeons, I personally do not think becoming an OR nurse would be wise because of the emotional burnout. Because in some respects, I need the emotional bandwidth to be attentive to what a single person is going through enough to adjust myself to those changes. I wouldn’t have that ability as a doctor, nurse, or PA, or anything else, I think, that involves DPC when the focus is directed outward all the time. But surgical technology seems to be the exception. By residency, I would need to be proficient in what I do enough to have the grit to keep working despite the change in location and arduousness of work and maintain the home. Assuming I make it through the first time, and gain an adequate amount of experience enough for me to be able to sustain some level of efficiency before residency. It’s not a fanciful hope. Becoming a surgeon is not a fanciful hope. But do I have the science to help bring that about? I don’t know. I can try my best. That’s really as much as I can ever say. It’s not impossible but it’s not guaranteed. I understand that there’s things that go on, and sometimes it doesn’t work, and some priorities take place, but I think it’s also important to shape a person to your will. Seriously. Nobody, you know, is born “the right person”. 

So I don’t think this letter is as weird as I think my friends or family would say. If I ever told anyone that I am still emailing, if I’ve sent this email to him, or what’s in this email, if I told my family members, they would probably think I’m manic, and stuff like that. They would probably think this is weird. I know that perhaps it is. It’s just based on what I think could be possible in my life given the intentionality and it’s not about anyone in particular.

 I truly don’t want to think it’s normal to say this much to you day in and out or hang out with you at all if we do choose to see if this can work by then. Something about asking you to allocate time for just me on a day we surprisingly both have off seems strange and if you were to ever reject that just to have time to yourself, knowing myself, I really hope I don’t find it wrong. Spending time alone in silence either sleeping or completing a quiet activity and reflecting on the progress I’m making is crucial. I know it’s important to communicate but I don’t want either of us to be overwhelmed with unassigned emotions or ideas. It’s also not practical to write long letters like this frequently but I’m hoping you’re okay with a letter over dinner or a day out because it’s something I can work on in my own time at my own pace. I think it might be a good way to give a synopsis of what I’ve been learning and my thoughts during that time. I want things to simplify as much as possible. Like with chores and responsibilities and relationship security. Should something come of this, corresponding in length, as much as humanly possible, about what we are thinking going into this until we move in together, would be helpful. 

1. Whiteboard with quartet markers (the ones in aluminum casing- these are the ones I use at work and they seem to be better than expo) instead of a TV in the common area. We can use a projector and find stuff to watch for free: https://hdtoday.cc/, https://hianime.to/ , YouTube. 최고. Whatever you want in your own room. TV, etc. That is your domain. 
2. The thought of having people over is not something I’m comfortable with- coworkers, family members, etc.
3. Separate bathrooms and bedrooms. 

Also I keep an extra toothbrush with me and a thin tube of toothpaste Korean brand called Perioe so I can brush my teeth whenever I feel like I could freshen up, it so in the bathroom at work, at school when I’m using the toilet, in the car (parked ofc). It’s a good reset button because usually I only do it at home so it’s oddly grounding. Honestly, I don’t think there’s any standard that I can look up to even between similar professionals when it comes to people because this is everyone’s first time living. Everyone has to make their own decisions. If I like my plan, if I like my story, if I like the way that I feel about something, if my passion is somewhere deep inside of the way that I think about something, then I’ll continue to make it as complex as possible. Like a plant in a pot too small for its roots to branch out so it becomes a mass instead. The world will tear it apart but if the roots are branched so far out, it’s clear which lump needs to be targeted to rid of it. No matter how grand the tree is. Even as I tear apart a smaller plant, there’s less chance of a severance that will genuinely kill it if its roots are deeply convoluted. So I really like the fact that I loved surgical technology for what it meant to me and me only. In terms of how to support someone in surgery, that means looking for a job that works for me personally, but also reflects an interest in understanding the professional my partner needs to be, and for me, surgical technologists seem about right. Their focus is trained to be solely for the surgeon. 

When I moved back home, I put everything artistic away. Fervently. They’re now in three 48 gallon black containers. The lacey bras and styled clothes I wore. Painbrushes. Bags. Shoes. Everything is wrapped in Kraft paper or in my mothers closet. Everything that was me in high school, the crocheting, the art, the guitar, clothing, I packed away, out of sight, out of mind, so I made my room very empty and wore black scrubs every day for a couple of months after I shaved my head and then got a job and now wear navy blue scrubs and generally wear plain clothing. I tore down the cranes, removed the plants, and covered the walls with anatomy and microbiology drawings and notes. The green dresser is covered with common tools placed in specific spots and there’s books above it. There is no mirror ( I prefer not to have a little mirror at a table to look into or have on in the bedroom, just the bathroom when I’m getting ready is enough) and I don’t use the bed that’s in there. I sleep in the closet to control for dark-light conditions because of overnight work. I prefer this. It’s also decently sound proof. It hasn’t changed since then. The black containers are in there. I removed the mattress I had and the frame overnight to let go of all those memories and so had no bed for about a month and slept in my closet, which I cleared out, on the mattress topper I used in DC which fit perfectly-actually works great now because controlled blackout conditions have allowed me to work overnight shifts efficiently and Haru will come lay on my chest before falling asleep.

I’ve lived in this house for more than a decade. I know in America right now the housing market is not ideal. But I think having a home and nesting inside of it is important. I think that is one difference I feel the most between us is that your family is split between two houses or nests. 

After taking neuro (The Brain) I thought of a house that’s built symmetrically/bilaterally, meaning the the east and west side mirrors the other with a middle compartment much like we have a corpus callosum, various nuclei closer to the center of the brain, and a single brain stem. This I built in minecraft so it’s purely fictitious. I mean nothing by expressing this idea but it is partially why I don’t think I did very well in that class- I was thinking about home etc. It’s just maybe a way for you to understand what else I was thinking about at that time other than sex. But the middle of that would be where you enter the house, and there’s in some houses, a vestibule lined with glass or mesh, and then you get to the front door. So that makes 2 barriers to entry. It’s not just one door which is symbolic. And the middle of that house would be the common area, but both sides of the house would have their own kitchen, their own bathroom, their own bedroom to start out. It would be organized the same on each side to begin with. And over many years, the brain changes where even though a similar sized/structured room exists for the purpose of another laundry room, it turns into the cat room or something else or maybe doesn’t. Maybe it just stays the same. In the middle of the house would be a pair of stairs leading to the west and east side of the second floor and in the center, farthest to the back of the house, would be the room for one child. I keep saying, A child in this writing because I just don’t imagine having more than one child. 

I really like the idea of a house where it is symmetrical. The west and east of each have no true imbalance in structure. But to each their own right so, each side morphs to become organized how the partnership morphs. You are left handed and I am right handed so which side would you want? The east or west? I feel like this would solve a lot of power dynamic wars that form in relationships. Structure influences affect, behavior, cognition. My mother has the largest room to herself while my father has a room the same size as mine and Nicole’s. That is just how our home is laid out. But in continuing this idea, both start out with their own laundry room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom etc. and over the years adjustments would be made out of kindness and feeling good about the state of the relationship and eventually the house itself structurally will remain neutral but the inner workings could possibly change to reflect improved trust, communication, emotional safety, and accountability. It’s just the structure of the house is the same on each side, but the organization of each side would be, however each of the individuals wants it to be eventually. And I played around with this idea in Minecraft because learning about the brain made me think a house should reflect similarly for those many reasons. But I’ve deleted that world since then including all the other worlds. I’m back at the bank now and the Lucas here is named Lucas Cooper. Lucas means light and my mom’s first name is Moon so I guess to answer for what female name I thought of personally perhaps Luna. If it’s male then I think Nikolas because Ni (me) Las (you) and o is a combining vowel and K for my last name. For the female the first two letters are led by the father but for the male it’s led by the first two letters of the mother. Blah blah blah nina blah blah blah. Because of how difficult it is to even buy a house, I know this is just a fantasy but I think development of identity, behaviors, and cognition are driven mainly by one nest. 

My life right now- despite the fervency of this writing is quite mundane- work, sleep, class. Interactions with others are kept to bare minimum. The only women I talk to are my sister and my mom and very occasionally Olivia. And I think, once I leave this house, I’m basically leaving my identity. Like, I’ve built my entire identity in this house, the person I am, the student I am, I’m going to go to school from this house probably for the next two years. I’m not sure if we’ll move. I don’t know that. I think we’re done. But the house, this house, the people that are in it and the people that I’ve met while living in this house are part of my core identity. There’s this urge to preserve that. And you’re part of that. Once I’m displaced from this house, I don’t want to believe that I will basically be severed from who I am entirely. I have no connection to the rest of the world. I hope my family can stay intact but I think overall, it’s time to plan a leave. Learning Korean isn’t going away anytime soon. Learning German isn’t going away anytime soon. But those are all long term things. Learning German for me, it’s just a way for me to respect that friendship that I had. Knowing Julia is pointless when I can’t fully speak her language. And then, you know, when I saw you, you kind of looked like her. And so that was just the initial resemblance. And we formed a friendship. And so that was enough to just allow me to find you interesting and maybe just open up myself to someone else. But I think sexually, I’m not interested in ever doing that again. Because it’s complex. I think sexual relationships are more complex from here on out. It’s the nervous system. Maybe in a couple of years that feeling will subside. Whether that’s status or comfort or proof. I find comfort in knowing it’s not so odd for me to set it aside. There’s a part of me that maybe perhaps you, in the same way that you want to be a surgeon, there’s also a part of me that also kind of thinks that this house, is the person that I am, because everything else outside of this house in a way, doesn’t really matter. Like, yes, knowledge is important, and it’s important to know that I know essentially nothing- so learn from the world- because I feel that now more than I did before, but I think, in living, I want to preserve who I am so I don’t get displaced too far from what I think I’m meant to do from here. If life allows and there’s some form of acceptance- I would fight for you because of this house. I love my father foremost. I am my father’s money. I have lived because my mother gave me life, but my father made sure of it. 

I know the core of this letter- I’m asking you to consider me.

My father came to Flushing, New York U.S. in 1998 and my mother followed after in 2000. My mother went back and forth between Japan and Korea between the years 1994-1999. Then flew to New York on February 14th, 2000 to be with my father.

Flushing 2000-2001 (roughly Eight months), Manhattan 2001-2002, Edgewater, New Jersey 2002-2005 (Worked and traveled between here and Manhattan.. I asked how I was born and that’s what he said), we moved to Georgia when I was eight months old.. and have lived here since. Before I was born in 2005, my father owned a flower shop on Lexington avenue in Manhattan. When he was dropping me off at college in DC he recognized a Crepe Myrtle tree. I’m sure he knew more but he’s older now so that was the one he pointed out in the arboretum and then continued driving in silence.

My mom remembers carving into our bamboo floors in our first house in Grandview Glen, which is across the street from Townsend Creek (where I live now), “11/1/2005” while my dad was still renovating it. It was a two story house like the one we have now but I have great memories associated with it. The backyard was just like the one at your mother’s house. But my dad cut down all the trees and made wooden steps, tables, and chairs so I remember making mud pies and dissecting worms and bugs with friends out there in the coolest backyard ever lol. We had two rabbits in that backyard. Mine was named Lingo. Nicole’s was named Spot. We had a German Shepherd but gave it away because it bit Nicole’s ankle pretty bad. When I was in Elementary school, I remember wanting to become a veterinarian.

My father took our whole family to the virgin islands in 2016 (I think?) We went to Vail, Colorado(2023), Korea (2024), Jeju Island(2024) and I’ve been on plenty of road trips. 

Nicole is interested in family medicine and has applied to medical schools with that intention. 

Nicole is a firstborn of a Korean American immigrant family, and she lives in the intensity of that in ways that I just have not been. I described her as a mediator– translating phone calls, figuring out paperwork, signing things on my parents behalf, signing my things on my mom’s behalf, answering  my parents questions about bills and systems she had to teach herself, resolving arguments between any one of us. I’ve seen that for as long as I’ve known her. She has had a different kind of role to play when it comes to family.

When I think about how to explain what it’s like to be Korean American to someone else… Being Korean American for me started when my dad and my mom immigrated here 30 years ago and were tasked with learning a new language, learning a valuable skill or trade, and also finding a community. My father is trilingual: Korean, English, and Spanish. I hear him talk in Spanish on the phone sometimes. My mother is quadrilingual: Korean, Japanese, German, English, although to varying degrees. Sometimes when she watches a Japanese show, or catches me watching an anime she tells me what they’re saying. Or when we cook she says the ingredient in Japanese or uses a Japanese product she remembers from practice. Whenever I talk to my father about his work, he typically talks about the general logistics here. But for the past five or six years and now, he has business in South Korea. He makes trips to South Korea, often leaving for a little less than a month at a time. I’m glad that during COVID he wasn’t part of the portion of the immigrant Asian community that wasn’t really able to pivot their business because of limited language and knowledge about the economy and perhaps other reasons, but he has pivoted multiple times in what he does over the last thirty years simply to support us. cI learned this year I maybe have one brain cell instead of just the half I developed for 19 years. The hope is that maybe by my fifties I’ll confidently have five. Five fine functioning brain cells. This is my first time here. It is yours as well. There will never be a final product- all of the work is a prototype, it’s always just the best version I have right now for right now. 

There have been plenty of times when Nicole and I are yelling at each other, saying things we probably shouldn’t. I have learned from those times what never to say and what I need to improve upon. But we have done this since we knew each other. At the moment, I think that’s it—we’re done talking, at least for a couple of days. But then, the next day, she calls and dully asks if I want Chick-fil-A because she’s picking some up after work and dully I say yeah, sure. And then she comes home and we sit and eat Chick-fil-A together in silence. I expressed this to her- that I thought we wouldn’t talk again at least for the rest of the week and she said, “Whatever little rat. Just eat your sandwich”. But I’ve known her my entire life. 

I know having two cats is roughly $1500 annually! And I know there is a possibility that I may need to leave him with my parents if we live togeth but I just think having two cats might help balance a living space and help with anxiety.

I like the idea of you getting a female Turkish Angora eventually or maybe after a couple of years, which is a completely white, fine-furred breed of cat. But the price is you know why I say I merely like the idea. Haru is very confident and dog-like so I think an imperious and elegant breed like the Turkish Angora would compliment him. Because he is very socialized I’m sort of concerned about him becoming depressed if he ever has to live without a mate or just less people even. though Apollo really keeps to himself most of the time and doesn’t seem to engage in bonding. He still prefers some company. Haru’s birthday is April 10th, 2023 (Ruby’s was April 6th, 2012) so he is turning four next year. His adoption cost roughly $200 and he was already neutered and microchipped. And this is so forward lol but if you adopt during your senior year, they would grow up together about a year apart like you and Kate. But how they grow up together and if it’s for the most part separated from you or with you depends on what’s written in Letter A about where I could end up. 

Why fine fur: Fel d 1 (feline allergen) is mainly produced in the saliva, skin, and sebaceous glands in cats, and then spreads to fur when cats groom themselves. I’ve noticed that my allergies flare up markedly with bristly fur. I think it’s because the Fel d 1 protein is more easily carried up to the distal fur. So I feel most comfortable adopting a cat with fine fur. 

Haru is very transportable and can tolerate a car ride or two. Apollo is Nicole’s cat and then Haru is mine by default. I don’t know if we, meaning you and I, can have two cats. But if we can, it’s basically a thought experiment. I guess I wish Haru had more of a friend because Apollo, because of his breed just behaviorally, is not as interested in bonding with Haru as much as I think Haru wants to be bonded with. I remember once you told me your mother and sister said you would make a good girl dad. 

When Nicole first brought him home I argued with her and my parents to put him up for adoption because at that time I was concerned about his fur being on my scrubs for surgical technology. I bickered on and off with her for about a month. This is a time frame that I can’t possibly predict the logistics of, but I firmly believe you need your own space/privacy/routine during residency which is I guess is a coded word for a certain pace of work to sort of compartmentalize changes to work pace/demand. Meaning “someone who is willing to do chores”, wrote one resident on reddit with a lot of upvotes. But that takes time to sort through both emotionally and logistically. 

Cats are generally low maintenance and have been proven to lower stress levels. But it is undeniably more soothing petting a cat with fine fur than one with bristly fur. Haru will sit on the kitchen island and let everyone pet him and baby talk to him. He’ll lay on top of my chest before I fall asleep and actually feel my face with his paw. If I’m brushing my teeth he asks to drink from the bathtub faucet while I’m doing that. He just has a lot of hobbies and is always out and about and accepts everyone but I’m glad he prefers me most of the time. Usually if cats hear a loud noise I would assume they run away or hide but Haru runs towards it so he’s very trusting of his environment which is why I think he can acclimate to moving somewhere else temporarily and accepting a younger female but I guess my question would be how the bonding would occur. 

I think it’s a good idea to invest in an automatic litter box and feeder but my dad would hate if money was spent that way right now. The main reason for the automatic litter box is that, for some reason, after Haru poops, he doesn’t cover it and instead pretends to by scratching at the sides of the box with his claws. Having a litter box that automatically rotates to cover it would help keep the smell covered. We have tried to teach him how to cover shit and we know he has seen Apollo do it right but he still only pretends to cover it and so you know he’s done pooping because you will hear the plastic bin rattle and the smell… Since I get home early or wake up at 4 or 5 I usually remove it before it smells… but I can’t prevent it every time. I guess that’s one major caveat to him.

Otherwise, he is very mild tempered.

october 17th, 2024

july 1st, 2025

january 22nd, 2023

If I give him a blueberry he will sometimes grab it to eat it from his hand like I do. If I hang a noodle in front of him he will sometimes reach out to touch and feel it with his paw. Maybe because it’s not always the same type of noodle.

We have a larger massage gun that he will smack impressively hard if let idle on the ground. But Northside recently gifted me a smaller massage gun and he will reach out to touch and feel this one to observe how it reverberates. I like that he has a slim, vertical streak of white fur between his eyes and that his fur coat resembles Ruby’s if she were a cat. Haru talks a lot. We taught him 나가 (naga)

the letter A in the English alphabet is named “ay” but pronounced “uh” so this consonant: ㄴ is named nee-uhn and pronounced “nuh” but inn conjunction with this vowel:ㅏ(ah) = “Nah”. This consonant: ㄱ is named gee-yuk and pronounced “guh”

나가= “nah-gah”. 나가 means “go outside?” based on pitch “do you want to go outside?” or a command, “Go outside”. So I can say 나가? and Haru can reply the same. 나가.

Like in English a simpler word for meal-time is “yum-yum” so the Korean equivalent is “맘마” pronounced “mahm-ah”. The consonant: ㅁ is called “mee-euhm” but pronounced “meuh” and is the equivalent of the English letter M. and then again ah:ㅏ so “Mahm-mah”.

Haru, 맘마? 맘마.

Either way, he can often remember to meow two syllables back. I am still learning Korean so don’t worry! I will not be forcing you to learn Korean to become fluent. I can’t lol. That’s very unfair.

Haru likes going outside to roll around on the concrete more than venturing out, so I’m thinking he can move where I need to be and still adjust, as long as he has a slab of concrete–like how I need this laptop to write and process my emotions– and hopefully a female companion. Sometimes he does venture out though and we have to call him back! I think he’s a Norwegian Forest cat but I’m not sure- I found a few photos of cats that have the same white streak on their forehead.

Food alone can influence a great deal of performance and mood. It can also be the difference between a good and bad mark. One of the things I think is important to me is genuinely cooking and healthy meals as often as humanly possible. Eating processed food should be largely avoided as much as possible because honestly it is unavoidable outside of the house and yes, will be consumed occasionally anyway (short on time, external events, catering). Korean food is naturally nutrient-dense because it emphasizes a variety of whole food–like fermented vegetables (e.g., kimchi), seaweed, tofu, lean proteins, legumes, and a wide range of vegetables. Meals are usually built around balance: rice, soup, protein, and multiple small side dishes (banchan), many of which are fermented or pickled, adding probiotics and enhancing digestion and absorption. There’s minimal reliance on processed ingredients.

Bibimbap is a perfect example. It’s a single dish that can be varied immensely but we’d make and store the same stuff every time. I could leave a chart like this and when either of us is tasked with cooking we just make whatever is marked. I was thinking of printing that page above and placing it in a sheet protector, and when you have the time, circling what you want using an expo marker so I can make it, is one idea to the cooking. And vice versa. Something like that. Your mom said sometimes cooking can feel like a chore. Your mom kindly made me buttered noodles with parmesan and cut strawberries for me that day in April which I appreciated. She also picked up my worn socks from the floor and placed them on the bed. 

All of the pictures further down this piece of writing are of my mother’s cooking, not mine. I’m not at that point in my life yet. Food for me now is pretty simple. Sometimes I like to drink hot water and chia seeds and maybe add some oatmilk creamer for taste but I like things like that. Boiled corn is a good snack. Goguma(Korean sweet potato), kimchi and rice, mandu, fruit. Canned carrots.  Nicole has this thing where she always has leftovers if she eats out but doesn’t like eating food if it’s a day old so I usually eat whatever she brings back. Also I’ve gotten in the habit on anticipating that it if she does have something left over it’s mine to eat. I started taking folic acid when I began college and since September have been consuming Omega-3, thyroid supplement: Iodine, B12, Zinc, Selenium, Ashwagandha, Vitamin D3 400 iu (400 mcg), and vitamin B-12 (1000 mcg).

Bibimbop is rice, assorted vegetables (cauliflower, beansprouts, sweet potatoes, carrots, kale), often an egg, some type of meat, soy sauce and gochujang (chili paste). So you get fiber, protein, healthy fats, complex carbs, and tons of vitamins—all in one bowl. Something I would constantly meal prep if possible. I found this restaurant that serves Bibimbop in Dupont Circle when I was in DC so that’s where the images below are from.

I do not cook often but my mom cooks every day so these photos are from when I can catch her making it or remember to take a picture of something I enjoy and want to remember.

 Cooking outside. Nicole had a small balcony at her apartment in Athens, which she shared with two other roommates, and I am using the layout of her apartment to weight this possibility in the writing I guess I’m hoping something like a small balcony or outside area would exist because I could cook a Korean dish I know will have a strong smell on that balcony like Bugeoguk (dried pollock soup) out there. There are many times I’ve come home and my mom has cooked something with a strong smell inside and I have to stay in my room or go elsewhere until it airs out.

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